Monday, 24 August 2015

WHAT'S NEXT?????



It has been a looooonnnggggggggg time since i sat down and scribble something in this blog. I guess, i have nothing interesting to share online anymore. I'm just living a mundane life....... -sighhh-

But wait.....

I have finally finished my Masters Degree... After 5 longgg treacherous years of studying and working and being a mom and a wife, I finally managed to complete it. And with good grades too. Hey, that's not bad considering the many many times I thought of just quitting. When I got the call from my Supervisor telling me that I have passed my dissertation, I felt like a heavy burden had been lifted off my shoulders. What a relief it was....

Now, my next projects are to organize my home, read tons and tons of storybooks, ohh!!! catch up on my pending schoolwork (yes, i have much unfinished work... such a lazy bum I am), travel (how I wish), write blog entries and try catch up on some snooze.

But then again.... I'm already thinking of what is next??? PhD perhaps?????

Thursday, 12 February 2015

WRITER'S BLOCK



I used to be able to express my thoughts as i write.. Now, its all jumbled up, mixed up... Whenever i attempt to write, even when i want to update my fb, i get lost for words...

Helpppp!!! Having a writer's block? Or am i beginning to build walls around me again....

Friday, 17 February 2012

It's no more fun

People seldom believe when I said that I am a teacher by profession. Well, I am. Since 2005. I was lucky to be posted to a primary school near my house. In my kampong. So, I began my new world as a teacher full of determination and hopes for the betterment of the pupils, anak bangsa sendiri and to be more specific, my own relatives. 

I started of my first 4 years successfully, I guess. I developed good relationships with my students. I considered them more as friends. Coz, I think that by being friends with them, I could get thru them easier. Teaching was fun back then. I looked forward to go to class and to conduct activities with them. I guess, I was the fun and sporting teacher. Then.... Shit started happening.. 

I have always been d different one. The odd one out. A fish out of pond here in my hometown. So, I guess, segelintir of the locals just couldn't stand it. Biasa la kan.. But the worst part is when they started attacking me personally. I noticed it started after my divorced. Having a J title doesn't help me proffesionally. Every little detail of what I did is put under a magnifying glass. A few parents just keep finding faults about me and some if the students are also rude and disrespectful. I even found out that a mom, who is my primary school friend, just hates me, just because.... I just could not understand why. I only have good intentions at heart. I treated her kids as my own. So, it really hurt me when I found out that she has been badmouthing me to people I don't even know. 

Agaknya, mentaliti orang kampung memang pelik, sampaikan YDP PIBG pun saja cari pasal with me. And when I keep getting attacked personally, I decided to just go to school and just teach whatever is required. I have lost the fire inside. I do pity the students. No doubt I love them very much, but again, I need to watch my backside too. I wouldn't want to get into any trouble. Even if my intentions are good.  Teaching is no fun anymore..... Sighhh.... 

It sucks being constantly misunderstood. 

Thursday, 9 February 2012

That thing called Love...

Who would have thought.....

Everytime I looked at a couple inlove, or read about a love story, I've always wondered whether it is all true.... The truth is, I am a skeptic when comes to love. I believed that it is just a mere fiction created by people to deceive others in believing that there is such thing called LOVE. 

However, who would have thought that there comes a day when, Love finally found me..... In fact, it hit me right smack on the face. Hahahaha.... Serves me right for ever having doubt in the power in love. Now, I am a convert believer. Love has made me feel like a school girl again. I thank God for giving me the chance to be inlove again... 

Ok. Enough. I'm out of ideas to write. Until later...... Always keep the faith.. ;)

Tuesday, 1 November 2011

FWB....

I am feeling a bit under the weather today.. Sore throat and all.. 

I quite recently learned of the term FWB (Friends With Benefits). What kind of benefits? More on the sexual side. Hmmm..... I thought, if I were in that position, wouldn't I feel akward? I mean, here I am, having a great friendship with a great guy... And suddenly We started sleeping with each other... How am I ever gonna look at him the same way again? I guess I am old fashioned as I think that casual sex with a buddy will only complicate things more, especially in the long run. 

Thursday, 20 October 2011

This feeling called JEALOUSY...

It is such a gloomy day today. To make things worse, I had to drive to UiTM campus in Shah Alam this afternoon. Alone. Sighhh..... Am so not in the mood to drive today. 

What should I write about today? Frankly, I have no idea. Am lost for words. Ok.. I think I am going to tell you guys that last night, I told my good friend, who is a guy that I felt a slight hint of jealousy towards his girlfriend. Sheeesshh.... How could that even happened? I am supposed to be mature enough and rational enough not to mix these kinds of negative feelings in a friendship. Damn! A definite "Jiwa Kacau" moment. I felt so embarrassed after telling him that. Why did I ever opened my big mouth? I honestly don't know what to do. I planned to distance myself from him, until I got this crap sort out. But then, I know that I shall miss him. He is a great person to talk and to confide to. I feel that I can tell him things which I don't normally tell to another guy. But then, before this jealous feeling gets out of hand, I should be the one to pull the handbrake. Should I?

Damn it! What am I suppose to do??

Thursday, 6 October 2011

Singlehood

Till death do us part

I was married for 11 years. Then God gave me my greatest test: MY DIVORCE. It was the biggest blow to me. For almost a year I just couldn't believe that I am no longer someone's wife. It was hard for me to adjust to my new found singledom, as I had been in relationships since I was 17. I never had any time alone. I guess I am like Jerry Maguire... I can't be alone. So, I was kinda naive and trusting, and hopeful too... That I might find a replacement soon. Well, as it turned out, that was my biggest mistake ever. I jumped into a few short lived relationships to discover that guys just think that a divorcee woman is just a desperate woman. And that these guys are just looking for a good time with no longterm commitment. Ouchh! That hurt my ego. But maybe there's some truth in the allegation. 

After 4 years of being single and being in and out of disastrous relationships, I have finally come to terms with myself. I believe that God has better plans for me. If I am destined not to find a companion and to stay alone, then so be it. I put all my faith in God. I am sure that He will protect me. I stopped looking for love... For I have lots around me. I have my loving family, my BFFs, my colleagues and best of all I have His love. 

After all, I found that I am happy being single. Having a man in my life tends to complicate things more. And I'm done with all the dramas. It's my turn to live MY life now. 

But then again..... I will always have good faith in life.... Who knows what's gonna happen in the future.......