EUREKA!!!!!!!

I am the sort of person who seek for answers. When things go certain ways, I seek for answers. I seek to understand and comprehend matters, especially when it comes to religion.

Before I proceed, I must first apologize if what I write offends anybody as I am about to talk a little bit about religion here. Somehow, this issue is kinda sensitive but I feel that I have to share this with you all. You see, I was raised by my parents who are rigid when it comes to religion. It's all about You must do this... You must do that.. and when I questioned them why... I couldn't seem to get the lay-man answers from them. Being a rebellious child that I was back then... Whenever I was enforced on doing religious things, I rebelled, even though I did them anyways, but it was never because of God.. It was because of my parents and I had to do them. So, after a while, I began to resent them. As I get older, many events happened in my life, and I became very bitter and spiteful. My life was a mess on the inside. I felt empty even with friends and family surrounding me.

I kept seeking for answers. I questioned why must we pray five times a day? why must women wear hijab? why should we recite the Quran?... And why are the punishments for not doing them are so terrible in the after life? Frankly I admit, I am still struggling to commit to the 5 times a day prayers, in fact I even put it as one of my DOEs (Declaration Of Excellence) not long ago.

One day, as I went to my school office, I heard a "syarahan" by an ustaz being played on the pc. He said that, we Muslims must pray 5 times a day, any less than that can be considered as not counted at all. I thought to myself.... Damn it! does that mean all my efforts all this while are not counted at all??? Then I asked an ustaz in my school about it. He told me, by not praying 5 times a day, our prayers are not considered as complete. Same goes to fasting. If we just fast but not pray while fasting, all we got is just hunger and thirst. It's like it comes in a whole package. Again, I wondered why is it that way? I kept thinking to myself about this for days.

One day, I kinda got the answer... God sets the bar high for us so that we strive hard to achieve it. Because He made us as strong and powerful human beings. He wants us to be the best, get the best in everything. Therefore, the ibadah is like a practice for us to do... an exercise. By doing that, we become more disciplined with our lives and we got pahala as perks.  But it is just us, being humans, that we just LOVE to set the bar lower for ourselves and justifying it with so many excuses. And frankly, it shows in real life situations (pointing at myself actually).

Well, I hope I am making some sense with this post. Just wanna share this with you. And I hope that I did not offend anybody. I still have a lot to learn in my life journey. I hope one day I will find the light. Insyaallah.